Bemused Amusements

The Red Sox and Patriots both won world championships this year -- I wonder if anyone has associated the current trade deficit with the amount of official Red Sox and Patriots clothing/memorabilia purchased this year? I assume that they manufacture all that stuff in Sri Lanka or something and ship it over here for our gluttonous consumption.

So -- don't worry. The dollar will strengthen again when everyone in Boston owns every piece of sportswear imaginable. Which, judging from the appearance of the downtown area, is just about now.

Well, it's almost Christmas -- but let's flip the coin and discuss a matter of pure, unmitigated evil. As a knee-jerk liberal, I tend to see both sides of every issue -- I was one of the few people I knew who could empathize with Kerry's apparent inability to see anything as black and white. But I do recognize one contemporary issue in which right is right and wrong is. . . well, unbelievably wrong.
I am, of course, referring to the absurd idea that people should be allowed to use cell phones on airplanes. Now let me be up-front on this: I don't care whether the cell phone transmissions pose a safety threat. My theory is that, by the time you spend 10 minutes on a crowded plane with a bunch of lunatics screaming into their cell phones in a variety of different languages, you'll pine for death. Besides, you'll die secure in the knowledge that you took those other people with you.
Does this sound a bit. . . extreme? I hereby invite any doubters to take the Greyhound-Peter Pan bus from New York to Boston on a Friday evening. My seatmate was an attractive youngwoman who spent most of the 4+ hours on the phone with her mother. The general topic of conversation (at that level of volume, the whole bus was aware of the general topic of conversation) was how her mother did not treat her as an adult. Let me assure you that, after only two hours of listening to her whining, it took all my self-control to refrain from butting in and saying, "Well, maybe if you started acting like an adult. . ."
Did I say "the whole bus"? I'm sorry -- I exaggerated. There were some people who had iPods and a few others who were on their own phone calls. The most memorable was the individual at the back of the bus who was apparently being picked up in Boston. Every ten minutes he made a call apprising the folks of his exact current location. You could picture the parents sitting in a replica of the war room from "Doctor Strangelove", sticking the pins in the map. "Scramble the bombers! Junior's nearing South Station!"
Dear Santa. . . are you there, Santa? I want something for Christmas. I want people in the government to continue the ban on cell phone use in airplanes. If you do that for me, I promise not to make any more jokes about your weight problem.

Many of my friends seem very upset that George Bush won re-election.
I think that the response is obvious -- we should secede.
Hear me out: it's been generally accepted that the Civil War determined that the Union could not be dissolved. Balderdash! It only determined that it should not be dissolved right then -- and utilizing those colors. Blue and Gray, what is that? With Blue and Red -- now that makes some sense!
Besides, the whole situation has changed. We don't need their cotton anymore and most of the people up here in Massachusetts think that NASCAR is the name of a stock exchange anyway. We could have Bill Clinton as President (he's a New Yorker now) and Ted Kennedy as Vice-President. It would be kind of like when Thomas Morton broke off from the Pilgrims and started throwing wild parties at Merrymount. Bill and Ted -- with that combo to make fun of, Jay Leno might never leave the Tonight Show.
Secede to Suceed!

I really think that Joseph needed a better publicist. I think that he did a really good job in Bethlehem -- the town was booked solid -- don't forget, he didn't have Orbitz or Hotels.com -- but he still managed to get them a place in that stable. Not only that, he saved the money to finance the trip to Egypt -- that was his idea, too. (Of course an angel gets the credit.) To the 21st century observer, the idea that a Jewish family would flee to an Arab country to escape persecution seems delightfully amusing -- who says that nothing ever changes in the Middle East?
Another irony is that they didn't name the baby after Joseph. After all, many generations of Christians named their first-born males after Joseph. I realize that the angel had given directions on the name (although he certainly didn't offer to pay for the kid's upbringing), but I prefer to think that Joseph didn't want centuries of people, when they struck their thumbs with their hammers, to scream and curse in pain, "Joseph!"
Enough kidding. A more serious thought. "Son of God" is all well and good, but the portrayal of Jesus in the Gospels is that of a fully actualized man -- a "stand-up guy" in the best sense of the term. Boys don't become men by accident -- if you don't believe me, take a look around you. Ask some women how many boys they've dated who were masquerading as men -- they'll tell you. Jesus grew into that type of manhood because Joseph was that kind of man. Mary couldn't do it -- he needed the role model, and that was Joseph.
A few years ago, my wife and I were lying on a beach in Cape Cod. There were two couples (late 30's-early 40's) on a nearby blanket, and the women (yes, women -- this wasn't Provincetown) went off somewhere. The two guys were left there, and one of them said to the other that he had looked into the mirror that day, and he was surprised to see his father looking back at him.
My wife and I almost broke up laughing -- because this guy was surprised. OK -- each of us is a new and unique mixture of DNA and life experiences based on our individual choices. But there always comes a time for each guy when he looks in that mirror and sees his father looking back at him. You can't escape it.
If Jesus could love, if Jesus could pray, if Jesus could keep the faith through the Passion -- if Jesus could redeem -- it was because Joseph got the job done.

If you think about it, Christmas isn't that big a deal. We should be celebrating 9 months before Christmas, since the birth became inevitable at the point of conception. This isn't a pro-life statement, just a recognition of the fact that Mary wasn't going to seek an abortion clinic and wasn't likely to miscarry. She had free will to make the decision, the deal was done, and the rest was just process.
When you think it, the real miracle was that a teenage girl actually went along with the wishes of an authority figure. Now there's a real miracle -- no wonder hell froze over at that moment.

When you read these postings, please consider my context of self-contradiction...

A liberal Democrat with artistic interests who is also a loyal Catholic American -- a middle-aged, middle-class, male employee of a biopharmaceutical company. I should hate myself -- but, oddly, I don't.
I went to Florence and ate at McDonald's.
I'll channel surf between ballet on PBS and the WWE's Smackdown.
I finished my MBA and started painting lessons.
My favorite artists include Rubens and Frank Frazetta.

So my observations will spring from these self-contradictions. They may prove interesting -- if not, just a few more wasted electrons.