Wednesday, March 09, 2005
The Curse of the Whatever
86 years from now -- which will be 86 years from the Red Sox last world championship -- reporters will be looking for the source of the new curse. Let's see, we got rid of Pedro, and Derek Lowe, Orlando Cabrera (is that how you spell his name?) . . . whose departure can we blame this time?
Unfortunately, none of those possibilities sounds right. "The Curse of the Orlando" sounds like a ride at Disney World. Or "The Curse of the Mankiewicz" (is that how you spell his name?) That sounds like an ethnic slasher flick. So it seems that there's an underlying problem -- no interesting nicknames.
Think about it. Without nicknames there would have been no Curse of the Bambino -- only a Curse of the George Herman. None of these modern guys has a nickname -- or the nicknames are lousy. OK -- Randy Johnson is The Big Unit. Now, what exactly is a Big Unit, anyway. For the last 3 years, I thought they were saying "Big Eunuch." "Curse of the Big Eunuch" -- well, it does appeal to the Alfred E. Neuman part of my personality. But he doesn't pitch for the Red Sox, so we can't get rid of him and he can't be the source of the next curse.
Let me make a suggestion -- hire Vince McMahon of the WWE as baseball commissioner. McMahon's professional wrestlers have great nicknames -- The Undertaker, The Ultimate Warrior, The Rock. Then, when the Red Sox lose to the Yankees (or whoever), at least we can make signs that look good. "The Curse of the Rock." I can get down with that. And reporters won't have to ask the Red Sox manager, "What do you think? Is this the year that we'll finally break the Curse of the Orlando?"
Unfortunately, none of those possibilities sounds right. "The Curse of the Orlando" sounds like a ride at Disney World. Or "The Curse of the Mankiewicz" (is that how you spell his name?) That sounds like an ethnic slasher flick. So it seems that there's an underlying problem -- no interesting nicknames.
Think about it. Without nicknames there would have been no Curse of the Bambino -- only a Curse of the George Herman. None of these modern guys has a nickname -- or the nicknames are lousy. OK -- Randy Johnson is The Big Unit. Now, what exactly is a Big Unit, anyway. For the last 3 years, I thought they were saying "Big Eunuch." "Curse of the Big Eunuch" -- well, it does appeal to the Alfred E. Neuman part of my personality. But he doesn't pitch for the Red Sox, so we can't get rid of him and he can't be the source of the next curse.
Let me make a suggestion -- hire Vince McMahon of the WWE as baseball commissioner. McMahon's professional wrestlers have great nicknames -- The Undertaker, The Ultimate Warrior, The Rock. Then, when the Red Sox lose to the Yankees (or whoever), at least we can make signs that look good. "The Curse of the Rock." I can get down with that. And reporters won't have to ask the Red Sox manager, "What do you think? Is this the year that we'll finally break the Curse of the Orlando?"
# posted by Bill @ 6:23 PM 
